How To Get A Girl In Bed

Don't. Don't do this (Picture: Channel 4/YouTube)

From the way men go on about sex you'd think it was actually difficult getting a woman into bed.

It isn't.

It's just that lots of men go about it completely the wrong way.

Put down that ridiculous lads' mag with tips from a porn star (clue – most women aren't porn stars) and read this instead.

Because this, my friend, is how to get a woman to sleep with you.

1. Ask her to sleep with you. If you have the confidence to pull this off, honesty is the best policy.

2. Forget dick pics. They're as likely to get you laid as a T-shirt saying I Have Genital Warts.

3. Love women.

Wonder why your ugly mate has more luck with the ladies? He genuinely enjoys their company.

If you feel intimidated by women because you've been dumped or rejected, this comes across.

Find some female friends and learn to relax in their company.

4. Make her feel beautiful.

Not catcalling, dumb ass – this means getting to know her and appreciating when she's rocking a new Topshop coat.

5. Play to your strengths.

If you're hot go to the gym and get hotter. If you've got a face like a bag full of spanners go from being quite funny to the funniest guy in town.

If you're not funny, work on being the nice guy all the girls are friends with – yes, this takes longer but will pay off eventually.

6. Be nice to her friends. If they decide you're a dick you're never getting in her pants.

It never ceases to amaze me how many men forget this.

7. Learn to appreciate women for more than sex. If you're just as happy hanging out with them as sleeping with them you have a much better chance as the pressure's off.

8. Be a gentleman. Good manners are hot.

9. If you aren't a natural bad boy (and I'm afraid that, if you felt the need to read this, you're not because you're too busy shagging), steal their tricks.

Be cheeky, have a glint in your eye, be persistent in an upbeat way and never be bitter if a girl knocks you back.

10. Basically just be Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

You're welcome.